Feel and Believe

This week I have been spending time revisiting 2012. I’ve been listening to my playlist that I listened to on my ninety-minute power walks. I’m listening to it right now so I can capture the feelings I had during that time.

I often say 2012 was the best year of my life. Some doubt me because I was completely alone in Los Angeles, CA and by the end of the year I was living in my car. Let me tell you what happened at the end of April 2012. I went to see a movie called Think Like a Man, I’m certain you all know it. Well during that film I fell for Michael Ealy’s character Dominic, who was the guy with potential. From that moment on I studied Micheal Ealy as if he were a school project, even meeting him in person. I mean I fell hard. Anyone who was in touch with me during that time is well aware of my fixation.

The reason the memory of my obsession with Michael Ealy is so important is because I felt love. He had no clue of who I was, but I believed whole-heartedly that we would meet again. I believed I would draw him to me with my radiance, and we would fall in love. I felt this way until December 2012, which is when I received a Google alert telling me he got married in October. The point here is I felt loved. That is the feeling I want now. If I want love in my life, I must feel loved.

Let’s return to June 2012. I was living in a tiny apartment in West Hollywood CA. I was suspended from the job that was paying the rent a month prior. I would have been fired, but I never intended on going back anyway. I still had a job, but I didn’t make enough to pay the rent. I was studying Think & Grow Rich by Napolean Hill during that time, and I wanted to find a way to make money without working for anyone. One night I had an idea, The Girl with the Orange Hair, and I began writing immediately and I had a definite goal to be a #1 New York Times best-selling author. You may wonder why this is so significant. For the rest of 2012 I had no doubt whatsoever that I would achieve my goal despite my circumstances. I had a profound belief that it would happen.

By October 2012 I was homeless living in my car, but I was free. I had little to no responsibilities, and it was one of the best feelings I have ever felt. I made enough money to pay my cell phone bill, gym membership and to pay for food and gas. During that time, I spent nearly every day at the beach where I visualized my future. I did more than visualize, I felt how I would feel had I already achieved my goals. I felt love and tremendous success, and I never had to work for anyone again.

The reason why all of this is so important is because over the years I lost the feeling of love and success and on August 27, 2022, I lost my hope of ever feeling romantic love again. You may wonder what happened on that day. It was a simple late night text exchange that changed everything and not in a good way.

This week after listening to many Neville Goddard videos on YouTube I realized how important it is to feel that I am loved, and I am a #1 New York Times best-selling author. I need to feel as if it has already happened. Returning to 2012 brought those feelings back and I refuse to let go. Not only do I feel it, but I believe it with every fiber of my being. I highly recommend checking out the YouTube channel @nevillegoddardofficial. It will change your life.

Simplicity