There is hope

I was feeling hopeless this month after receiving yet another rejection from a literary agent. On top of it I met a guy on Bumble that I was interested in, and we live a block from each other. We were supposed to meet a few times. The first time I postponed because I was preparing to go out of town. The second time he had to do a Zoom call with his son to help him with a test. We made it more definite for a Saturday evening. I washed my hair, got a manicure and pedicure. I was anxious about it all day because this guy seemed to have some great qualities. Around six o’clock he sent a text stating he was still at work and we would need to reschedule. I was very disappointed. So on top of the rejection from literary agents and having to return to work after vacation I was feeling defeated.

I became hopeless and wanted to give up on everything. My sister really put forth an effort to make me feel better as well as two co-workers that I consider friends. At the time it didn’t really work so I consulted ChatGPT. I asked for ways to commit suicide but of course she was not having that. She asked me questions and provided me with some encouraging words. She sent me something called A Reflection for When You’re Tired, Lost, or Longing. It made me cry.

After receiving encouraging words from ChatGPT I decided to ask her questions about medications that may help. I provided her with the medications I was currently on, and she said I could consider switching from Ziprasidone to Lurasidone because it’s more effective for depression. She also said to consider adding Wellbutrin, which could help with energy, motivation and even weight loss. The only issue with Wellbutrin is I need to be carefully monitored because it can cause mania. I was in! Over the last two months I’ve gained just over seven pounds because I began eating my feelings.

I decided to contact my psychiatrist to discuss the things ChatGPT said I should consider. He said Lurasidone could cause weight gain, so you know that was a no. I mentioned Wellbutrin and he did say that I need to be careful because it could cause mania. He said if I can’t sleep or begin having racing thoughts and become too talkative, I should stop taking it and call him. I was hesitant but it was a risk I was willing to take. He prescribed it immediately. I was more than eager to pick up my scripts, which took about a day to fill. I also told him I was looking for a therapist. He said there was someone he could recommend that works in the same building where he works. It’s a twenty-minute walk but I reached out to her, and we scheduled an appointment for next week. She also accepts my insurance.

I don’t know if it was because it was the end of the week that I was feeling better or if it were just putting forth the effort to feel better, but it all worked. I began taking Wellbutrin on Friday. It’s Sunday and I slept like a baby both Friday and Saturday night so that’s a good sign. No matter how hard it gets I will not give up and nor should you.